On Friendships and Loyalty
It hurts to know that when friends fall apart all they can look back is what they have given and not what they have shared. Honestly, I don’t count what i have given coz there’s nothing I can give. My friendship comes in stealth package. Something you cannot see, hold or keep. But it’s something you can remember and give you a
warm feeling afterwards. I can only count in my hands when I have given something material to my close circle. And those rare momentos, albeit very simple and cheap are creatively done with love. As a friend, I can only share my time, an ear to listen, a comforting hand, and some wise words about how reality bites. As a friend, I
show my loyalty by believing only what a friend tells me to believe in. I give my full trust when I love, same
amount of love and loyalty I can give to a friend.
So what happens when a friend hurt me? I hide back to my shell. In my own shield where no one can hurt me. I’m a jealous friend but I can tolerate.
During those times that I’ve been wating for explanations, outbursts and cry, I was ignored. Totally regarded as someone who wouldn’t understand and get hurt. Of course, I should be hurt. I feel for my friend. I’ve felt that before and I totally get the picture. But regardless the fact that she had turned to others and not me, my loyalty never wavered. I stayed. Hoping one day my friend would let me peek in her heart. As a friend, I believe in everything she says, nothing more and nothing less. During those times of patient waiting, I’m in my own troubles…
I learned that loyalty comes only with money. So where do you go when you’re stucked with a poor rat?You’d jump on an opportunity even if that would mean burning bridges. And now, the welcoming party amidst the forwarning never cared to ask if it’s okay… did not even have second thoughts on what others might say and question on the shift of homes. I don’t know if my friend ever realized the impact of that action to her beloved friend.
Even if you have the best of intentions, even if you never did wrong, even if you cared enough for the person who in the end chose to lie and ruin herself, You will still be the Bad person in the eyes of everyone.
BUT WHY?
Because another good person took her in.
Where does that leave me?I’m mean. I’m cruel. I’m unforgiving.
And yet, I was the one betrayed. I was not chosen one. I was left alone.
And in people’s eyes, I am the mean, cruel and unforgiving person.
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FB was never a good avenue for outbursts. Been there, done that…not on FB though… And I’m never repeating that same mistake again. Before, I was proud… coz i earn sympathy and applaud plus admiration from people who doesn’t know the real story. But looking back, I felt ashamed for hurting people who are victims too. It took us time to build a new and real friendship and the person whom we had been fighting for never deserved it anyway. We were fools for being dragged that low.
Respect means a lot in friendship… as well as reaching out. But how do you Really reach out?I just realized that we have different perspectives of “lahat ginawa mo na” Does it refer to “before” or “after” the differences? Coz when I say, I did everything, I mean I totally exhaust all means, even those things that will kill me in pain.
And after that, I’m good. Nothing to look back.
After I’ve sent my email… Nada. NRThat ends there.
But see, because I value what we have shared I had the nerve to write a painful goodbye. If words can cut like a knife, for sure I wasn’t the one whose Action spoke Louder than words.
Emails, YM, MSN, Q, gmail, PMs, texts, calls…last time I checked, they get people connected.
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It’s been months. I haven’t noticed it really because after my busy months I had nobody to go back to. My friend have been busy with other friends. I kinda got used to it. I’m just a jealous friend, but not selfish. I’m tolerant anyway. But that tolerance was put to test. When you are happy with your chosen one, do you have to rub it in to the person you left behind? (oh sige na, kayo na ang masaya!— quoting Joy:; )
That’s my qeue. Back to my shell where nobody can hurt me. Thus, my task for the day: shrug off the pain, eliminate the source and focus on my new found interest. I have a busy month ahead of me. I don’t need distractions.
I need to focus. I need to concentrate.
So why do tears fall when I’m about to sleep… when I’m in church…when I’m alone…Why do I feel sad even if I have accomplished a lot during the day…Why can’t I stop thinking of you…
I must unload so I can move forward. It has been dragging me down for days it’s becoming a burden already… you know, there are more important things in life than stuffs like this.
Note to self: If people doesn’t care about you, why should you?
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I miss you, but I’m not speaking to you till you see clearly where my pain is coming from…
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